Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
