hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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