remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
