this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
