I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
