He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
