My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
