I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
