I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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