why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
