What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
