Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
