I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize