new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
