I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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