Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
