hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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