i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
