i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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