I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
