Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
