Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
