If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
