God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
