Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize