When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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