I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
