So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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