I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need to calm my uterus...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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