I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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