Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
