Kiss
Puke
She's JV to your varsity
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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