do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
