do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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