she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
