I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
