This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
