I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
