I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
