Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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