Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
