I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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