she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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