So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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