i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
