Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize