she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What drink are we having for lunch?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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