i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
