i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
