Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
honey bunches of taint.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
