We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize