We left an ass print on the piano.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
