She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
