So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
