some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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