remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize