I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
