I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
