I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
