there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
