you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dear god my vagina.
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