omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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