omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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