im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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