He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
