We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
