she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
