i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
