and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
