Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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