one might say we're banned from that church
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
