2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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